Jealousy: The Self Killer
by XoptimisticxpessimistX
Summary: I'm dead' She says, 'I'm not suppose to be but I am.' Just a couple of days after the attack on Miraz's castle Peter starts to see Airanna. She's dead and she is back for a reason, but what is that reason? One-shot


**This was just an idea I came up with one day. Tell me if you like, which hopefully you will.**

**Disclaimer: I am not C.S. Lewis, therefore I do not own Narnia.**

* * *

'_I'm dead now,' _The young elf says as she stands in front of the High King. _'I shouldn't be, but I am.'_

Peter's eyes snap open, breathing heavily. For the past two nights, he has had the same nightmare. Ever since the attack on Miraz's castle, ever since he stood there and watched Airanna die behind the gate. The grief and guiltiness snaked its way around his heart. Every time someone mentioned her, the grip around his heart tightened. The High King lets out a sigh of frustration, anger boiling slowly inside of him.

How he had missed her, more than he could imagine. She has always been so compassionate, putting others above herself. Fearless, almost to an inhumane point. She always looked to the inside of people, trying to see what no one else could. Airanna had her faults as well. She was stubborn, head strong and often bitter to those she did not trust. She was that way the first time towards Peter. After their run in near Cair Paraval, she nearly sliced his head off.

Peter glares at the ground, attempting to let his anger flow in a free harmless way. Airanna would not have died if Caspian stuck to the plan, He thinks to himself as he pulls on his boots. She, along with all the others, would still be here. She would still be alive, still be breathing. Now I have her blood on my hands.

A feminine sigh rips through the silence. _'You need to stop doing this to yourself.'_

Peter stops dead in his tracks, listening intently. She is dead; He tries to keep himself calm but fails miserably. All he hears is the silence, but that silence is screaming threats. A chill runs through him as continues to walk down the hallway.

'_You have to face me some time,'_ Airanna's voice whispers. '_You can't ignore me forever… Peter…Peter-'_

"Peter!"

He jumps, hearing his name being called. Turning swiftly, his eyes land on his youngest sister and he lets out a sigh. "Lucy, it's just you" He says, looking down at her.

The young queen looks up at her eldest brother. "Pete," She says with a worried tone, "Are you ok? You seemed a little out of it for the past couple of days."

"I'm just fine," Peter answers quickly, almost too quickly. "I'm just… thinking."

Lucy bites her lip before continuing, "Pete, listen. About Airanna-"

"I don't want to talk about it" He answers, cutting off his sister. It's too painful to talk about, he thinks; I just have to stop thinking about her.

Her translucent body appears behind his sister. She looks out from under her honey colored hair, _'You know you can't do that. It'll eat away at your conscience.'_

His eyes widen and his mouth slightly hangs agape. This isn't happening, she's no longer here. Airanna is and will forever be gone.

"Peter," Lucy blue eyes widen in fear. "Are you ok? Do you need to lie down?"

He shakes his head, "Now, I'm… it's nothing really Lucy."

Lucy looks up at her older brother, a sad and worried expression etched on her face. Lucy worries about her siblings, even if they are her elders. Her heart aches for Peter and has been since he came back from the attack on the castle. She knows that he and Airanna were close. Lucy was shocked when she heard the news. At first, she thought it was unbelievable that Airanna passed away. She was like a sister to Lucy, always showing her new things and teaching her. Lucy missed her terribly.

'_I miss you Lucy,'_ Airanna says, blinking her green eyes. _'I never meant to leave yo. I never wanted it to end like that… I had so much to live for.'_

Peter bites his tongue to keep himself from yelling out to her. All he wants to do is to implore how she was stand there, partially invisible talking to him. As Peter tries to ignore the ghost, he places a hand on his sister's shoulder. "I know you miss her Lu, but she would not want us to feel this way."

She smiles weakly, "She is very kind, putting herself before others."

'_Had' _Airanna says in a low voice. _'I'm dead now, remember Lu? You have to use the past tense now.'_

Past tense… Those words echo in Peter's head. The word 'past' and 'dead' seem like horror No matter how hard he tries those words just can't register in his mind. "That she did," He says, his voice faltering. He gives his youngest sister a hug before standing up straight. "S-she would want us to move on" He somehow manages to breath out the sentence.

She nods, looking up at him. "Your right…" Lucy runs her hands over her dress, straightening it. Giving her brother a quick hug, she turns and walks down the tunnel. Tears slip down Lucy's face as she morns, not only for her friend but for her brother as well.

Peter sighs, waiting until the echo of footsteps fade into the labyrinth of stone. He looks over at the small ghostly frame of Airanna. "Why are you here" He asks in a shaky, un-High King like manner.

She looks up at him, _'I'm here to help you move on…'_

Peter clenches his fist, "You coming back is making that hard, don't you think?"

Her gaze softens, _'I didn't mean me… I mean about your anger towards Caspian. I'm walking about how you have yet to get the epiphany that you are not going to be king anymore. You will go back…'_

He looks down at the ground, "I know… I just don't want to know."

She smiles, _'Playing ignorant is not suiting for you, Peter.'_

"Sarcasm works the same way Airanna," He says, smiling for the first time in two days.

'_I highly doubt I have to worry about that any longer.'_

Peter felt as if his smile was slapped off his face. "Airanna," He says before he sighs. "I'm sorry that you passed away… it's my entire fault."

If she could, Airanna would reach up and cress his cheek to comfort him. Her forever still heart still seems to yearn for him to be happy. _'Your plan was not the best call, but it was not the worst. You had the best intentions in your heart.' _

"Those best intentions got you killed" Peter half yells half cries out in pain. "You should be furious at me! You should hate me, not wanting to help me!"

Airanna's green eyes would cry if they could. She wraps her arms around herself, _'I, just as any other person I went through the five stages of death. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance but never once did I blame anyone for my death.'_

"But you have every right to blame me," He says, barley audible.

'_Death is a part of war,' _Airanna whispers, _'always has been and always will be.' _She looks over at Peter, staring into his blue eyes. _'Don't let the life I gave to this cause be in vain. Move on, don't be afraid to keep living just because I am not.'_

Before Peter could reply her ghost disappears, leaving him alone. He lets out one shaky breath before turning and continuing on his way. As he walks away from where she once stood, he thinks back to the last day he saw her alive.

* * *

**Airanna smiles as him, her soft hand resting on his cheek. "I'll be fine," She whispers, her lips just inches away from his. "Life is a gift and I don't plan on wasting it," Her forest green eyes connect with his ocean blue ones.**

"**I know," He says, pressing his lips against hers for a brief second. "But nothing you can say will make me stop worrying."**

**She looks up, "I know." Airanna rests both of her hands on the back of his neck. She stands on the tips of her toes, kissing him lightly. She pulled away for a moment before kissing him again, this time with passion and hunger. Her pulse quickened with all the excitement.**

**His arms wrap around her, returning the passion. He closes his eyes, savoring everything about this moment. He savored the way her soft lips felt pressed against his own, he savored how her hair smelled like fresh wild strawberries and he savored the feeling he got when she kissed him… when she was around him.**

**As his lips kissed her neck, she let out a very soft moan. She takes his face in her hands, kissing his lips with a fierce passion. Footsteps echo, reverberating off the stone walls. "Peter," She says, half moaning.**

**He smiles, understanding what she was thinking. "Right," He says, giving her one last kiss on the lips.**

**Her eyes shone like precious stones, "I love you."**

**Peter never got the chance to tell her how he truely felt for her... that he loved her.**

* * *

Peter's eyes widen as the ice before him shatters. His eye's meet his brothers as he attempts to remember what was happening.

'_Jadis' _She whispers in his ear.

"I know," Edmund says with venom, "you had it sorted."

The High King sighs, all this bitterness is all because of his anger. He let his jealousy get out of hand, turning him into a monster.

'_Now you're learning,' _She says, _'I'm sorry you had to learn like this, but it was the only way. It truly is the self killing monster.'_

Peter looks over towards her before looking past her to see the engraving of Aslan. "He sent you," He says, "Sent you to help me."

She nods, batting some hair out her face. _'He asked me to come back, to help you realize how bad your jealousy has gotten.'_

"I realize that," Peter says, mostly to himself.

She frowns, _'It is a terrible disease, an epidemic. Envy mocks its victim until it wins, but you didn't let it win. You were stronger than it,' _Airanna says, sending him a smile.

He frowns, "But the damage is done."

'_Never,' _She ways, walking over to him and kneels. _'Time can heal all types of wounds. You just have to be the bigger man and own up to what you have done.'_

He nods, "That I will."

Airanna still sees an uneasy look on Peter's face. _'Tell me what is troubling you' _she whispers.

A bittersweet smile graces his face. She always knows when something is unsettling to him. "I don't know why I became so envious" He says looking at her.

'_You became jealous because you love Narnia'_ She explains. _'You could not bear seeing Narnia in the condition it was in.'_

"But why did I take my anger out on Caspian?"

'_You did because he was going to be the new king of Narnia.'_

Peter nods, standing up straight and looking at her. "Thank you," He says, looking at her.

She nods sadly, looking at him. _'I have to go now,' _She says.

He nods, "I'll miss you."

'_And I you Peter, and I you.'_


End file.
